


problems with your D drive?

by minhyukwithagun (deadlylampshades)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: (kind of?), Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, chae hyungwon: is not paid enough to deal with customers who think malware is a clothing brand, hyungwon works at a tech store and is not prepared for hurricane minhyuk, lee minhyuk: thinks malware is a clothing brand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 03:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13332321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlylampshades/pseuds/minhyukwithagun
Summary: “You know, we get virus removals quite often. Do you know how many viruses the average person has?” Hyungwon didn’t wait for an answer. “Thirty.”Minhyuk nodded. Thirty was definitely a number.But Hyungwon wasn’t done. “Do you know how many viruses you have on your laptop?”“…Thirty?”“So close. Five hundred and thirty three."





	problems with your D drive?

**Author's Note:**

> this would not have been accomplished without my pal nw's comments, encouragement and cursed prompts <3
> 
> lol I hope you enjoy reading <3

Minhyuk was engaged in his favourite sport, his number one hobby, what some might call his passion. He had many names for it: poaching his egg, oozing his noodle, wrestling the eel.

The fact of the matter was that no matter how many fancy euphemisms he used to disguise it, Minhyuk currently had one hand on his half-hard erection, and the other on his laptop trackpad, trying to get the fucking video to stop buffering.

“Come on, come on, don’t leave me like this,” Minhyuk said, frantically slamming the spacebar as the video played for a brief moment before halting again, and that horrible loading circle appeared. “Come on, come on,” he urged, shaking his laptop screen now, as if by some miracle, the internet would just _become_ faster.

He was already on 480p. Any lower and he was effectively masturbating to blobs of pink and white with Japanese honorifics being spat out every few seconds and frankly, that was worse than the actual hentai he currently occupied himself with. In high resolution, he could make the argument that what he was watching was actually art – in low resolution, the bitter truth stared right at him.

Minhyuk paused the video and took a deep breath, trying to think of anything except the blood pounding to his head. This was fine. Was buffering not just glorified orgasm denial?

It wasn’t fine. The longer the silence went on, the more Minhyuk began to question why he was at home on a Monday afternoon, and why he was currently watching a magical girl engaged in an intimate and potentially hazardous relationship with an eldritch tentacle horror. It wasn’t anything strange for him to be watching, God (and his internet service provider) knows he’s watched stranger, but he was rapidly getting out of the headspace he needed to be in.

God, why wasn’t the wi-fi fast enough? He paid for speed.

For a moment, Minhyuk seriously considered standing up and investigating if Changkyun was playing Overwatch and being an inconsiderate bandwidth whore.

But that meant unplugging his earphones, pulling up his pre-cum stained pants over his erection, and having to enter Changkyun’s dome of stale sandwiches and dirty underwear scattering the floor, and that was a bigger boner killer than the buffering could be.

Minhyuk sighed, and hit play again, and the tentacle managed one single thrust before the video cut out again. A part of him wanted to cry. How would he know what happened next in the story that was unfolding? Would the blue-haired girl ever find her best friend again? Would the tentacle monster ever find love? Would Minhyuk ever ejaculate?

 The moment passed. He was now just a foolish man with a limp dick in his hand, with paused hentai. Minhyuk disentangled himself, minimized the tab on his browser, and in the process of trying to pull up his pants, knocked over the bottle of precariously positioned lube onto his laptop.

“Oh, fuck, no, _please_.”

He grabbed the bottle, shoving it in his jeans pocket, and gazing forlornly at the sticky fluid running through his keys. He cautiously attempted to press escape – and his laptop did nothing. Minhyuk then immediately did the rational thing, which was to frantically slam on all the keys, and all he succeeded in doing was making his hands stickier than ever.

“Fucks sake,” Minhyuk said, zipping up his jeans. He caught Changkyun in the living room, snoring, and Minhyuk thought that he looked almost innocent, the way he was lost in his sleep.

“ _HEY. CHANGKYUN. WERE YOU THROTTLING MY BANDWIDTH_?” Minhyuk said – _not_ screamed, it was in a _very_ neutral tone – shaking the boy awake.

Changkyun’s eyes flew open. “God, what the fuck?”

“Were you playing Overwatch? Streaming?”

“Yeah, of course, I was showing my three YouTube subscribers how I take a power nap on a couch that’s older than my grandmother and smells like her too,” Changkyun yawned. “I was fucking sleep, man.”

“This is not a time for jokes, Changkyun!” Minhyuk snapped.

“Why’s your hand so sticky?”

Minhyuk instantly took a step back. “That’s irrelevant. So you weren’t using the internet?”

“Not at all,” Changkyun said, sitting up. “God, my head hurts, why do you scream so much? And why do you smell like fruit?”

That would most likely be the blueberry flavoured lube, but Minhyuk wasn’t about to share that information with his roommate. “Yeah, we all have problems,” Minhyuk sighed.

“Now that we’re up, do you want to play Overwatch?” Changkyun said.

“Nope, sorry, can’t, I’m having computer problems. I’m going over to Hoseok’s,” Minhyuk said, deciding on it the moment he said it. Hoseok knew computers. He installed Word on Minhyuk's laptop, so that clearly showed he knew basic software skills. He also uninstalled Photoshop, after Minhyuk kept photoshopping pictures of him on romantic dates with Shrek. So he was a Lawful Neutral, which was always a good type to have as a friend.

Minhyuk had the foresight to take a detour to the bathroom at least, if just to wash off the lube from his hands. He gave an experimental sniff – at least it was fruity, he supposed. His laptop would smell nice.

*

“So what’s the problem?” Hoseok asked, running his hands over the cover.

“Uh,” Minhyuk said, not having thought this far. The problems were twofold really, the internet and the lubed up keyboard. Well, there was also the problem of the busty Russian single women who kept trying to chat up Minhyuk every time he tried to Boogle something. (For some reason Google stopped working a few weeks ago, and it was replaced by a strange and very Cyrillic looking alternative that more often than not didn’t actually help him.)

   Hoseok opened the lid, and frowned at the sheen that the keys now possessed. He ran a finger across it and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

In hindsight, perhaps Minhyuk should _not_ have asked to meet Hoseok in a public place due to the nature of the problem. But it was too late now. They were already in the mall, seated at the coffee shop, and Hoseok had already _ordered_ the coffees. It would just be impolite to leave.

It would also be impolite to cause a scene by informing Hoseok that what he was currently touching was flavoured lubricant.

“Jesus, Minhyuk, what happened?”

Minhyuk struggled to find the words. “It’s been a long, hard day.” Flaccid, may be more accurate.

“You spilled something on your keyboard? What is this? Jelly?” Hoseok said, and – oh god – he raised a finger to his lips, and Minhyuk _had_ to say something before Hoseok tasted it.

“It’s lube.”

To Hoseok’s credit, he didn’t freak out. What he did was very calmly take the napkin next to him and wipe his hands. “Minhyuk, just for that I’m uninstalling Paint.”

“No! Please don’t, I do my doodles in it!”

A vein looked like it was threatening to pop in Hoseok’s head. “Minhyuk, why the fuck is there _lube_ on your keyboard? And why did you come to _me_ if there was?”

“That wasn’t the only problem! Something’s wrong with my internet, it wasn’t… working properly. I don’t know why.” Minhyuk leaned over and pressed the power button. “The lube thing is a secondary problem.”

“You know, Minhyuk, only you would consider spilling lube on his laptop keyboard as a secondary problem.” Hoseok typed in the password he set about a year ago, cautiously hit Alt-Tab, and thankfully those keys worked. Hoseok took one look at Minhyuk's Google Chrome homepage, and Minhyuk found it almost magical the way Hoseok’s face goes bright pink.

(It reminds Minhyuk of the girl from that one video he watched where her pet unicorn transformed into a prince with a delightful furry tail and then they had an intimate encounter in a tree-)

“Minhyuk, I’m going to ask you a question and I need you to answer honestly,” Hoseok said, not taking his eyes off the laptop screen, pulling Minhyuk out of his thoughts.

“I trust you with my life, Hoseok.”

“Do you know how to watch porn?”

Minhyuk raised an eyebrow. “I would say yes. It’s not… difficult?”

“Minhyuk, have you really been going to animexboobies.gov for your masturbatory needs for your whole life?”

Something between a choke and the noise one makes when strangling a chicken escaped Minhyuk's mouth. “I mean! Not always! Just lately!” Minhyuk squeaked, trying to keep his voice low. “It’s not as bad as you think, they have a wide range of content, and lots of categories and filters and a very open and understanding community-”

“Minhyuk, your laptop has so many fucking viruses, if you had any mercy you’d take it behind the barn and shoot it to spare its misery,” Hoseok said, calmly taking hand sanitizer out of his bag. “Surely you must have noticed? Every time you open a document, there’s a pop-up ad to send money to help the Genovian Royal Family.”

“The financial crisis hit everyone worldwide, I thought it was a genuine plea for help,” Minhyuk said defensively.

“Genovia isn’t _real_ ,” Hoseok hissed, aggressively wiping his hands. “Minhyuk, I’m pretty sure the reason your internet isn’t working is because of all this malware.”

Malware? Minhyuk didn’t think viruses were still a thing, he thought they died out along with Heelies and Aly and AJ. “Well, what am I supposed to do about it?” Minhyuk whined, running a hand over his laptop – avoiding the bits that still had visible lube.

“I’m not touching that death trap. I wrap before I tap, and maybe your laptop should have a similar kind of principle. Take it to a computer store. Get someone who’s _paid_ to deal with cases like this,” Hoseok paused. “Then again, I’m relatively sure, no one _ever_ had a case like this.”

Hoseok stood up to leave, leaving his coffee on the table.

“W-wait, where are you going? You can’t leave me alone at the store!” Minhyuk protested.

“Minhyuk, I do somewhat love you, but if you really expect me to bail you out for watching animated tentacle porn, you are overestimating the boundaries of this friendship,” Hoseok said, picking up his bag. “Good luck explaining this. I only hope the poor schmuck in the store knows what’s he in for when he opens up that portal to hell.”

*

“Are you the only one working here today?” Minhyuk asked, tapping his fingers on the counter of _Oh Mother! Board_ , the nearest computer store that wasn’t an Apple Genius Bar. His first time inside was already proving to be a difficult endeavour.

“Yup,” a bored man replied, leaning behind the counter, as if the act of standing up straight was too much effort for him.

“Are you sure? There’s no one else?” _Perhaps someone less young, less attractive and less likely to know exactly what hentai is?_

The name on the computer store clerk’s shirt says Hyungwon but quite honestly, Minhyuk had at least a rough knowledge of who he was.

Honestly, if Minhyuk was smarter he would have known better. It was a small town, with one university, and the man behind the till had been on campus before. Minhyuk knew this, as the first time he had seen him, he fired off a badly misspelled text to Hoseok saying that ‘the tall guy who just walked by can like _get it_ ’.

He may not have _known_ this guy personally, but they went to the same university, and that posed a risk Minhyuk was not sure he could handle. His reputation would not be able to take the hit that this revelation would have.

He had his laptop on the counter and considered pulling it away and running, maybe taking a three hour train ride across town and going to a store _there_.

“What’s the problem, sir?” Hyungwon said, opening the laptop, and immediately his finely arched brows furrowed in discontent as he noticed the gloss across the keys. “What is this? Why does it smell like fruit?”

Minhyuk stared at the laptop, seriously considering his options. He couldn’t tell the truth because the truth was objectively terrible, but there was no possible believable lie which would explain the circumstances he now found himself in. Minhyuk now realized that Hyungwon was _staring_ at him, waiting for an answer.

“It’s, uh, lube.”

Hyungwon, a beacon of professionalism, just nodded and adjusted his glasses. They were the nerdy kind, and Minhyuk wondered if it was a requirement of the store. “Ah. Silicon-based or water-based?”

Minhyuk blinked. “It’s lube.”

“Yeah, I, uh, got that much. But is it silicon or water based? Or oil-based? I wouldn’t think oil though, it seems too viscous,” Hyungwon said, trailing a finger across the spacebar.

Minhyuk became abundantly aware of the weight in his pocket that had nothing to do with his car keys and everything to do with a disgruntled and sexually frustrated past version of himself shoving lube into his jeans pocket.

Minhyuk attempted to discreetly take the bottle on but just ended up shaking the glass counter and Hyungwon looked over, catching sight of the purple bottle.

“Oh, you brought it with?”

Minhyuk really hated himself sometimes. “Y… Yeah. That appears to be what happened.”

He had a hand outstretched and Minhyuk supposed he had no choice but to hand over the offending bottle. Hyungwon eyed the label with interest. “Silicon-based. And blueberry scented.”

“Flavoured,” Minhyuk corrected and somehow, hated himself even more.

The store was so _quiet_. Minhyuk was the only customer and Hyungwon was the only employee, and the entire atmosphere oozed awkwardness. He couldn’t decide if it would be better or worse if someone walked in.

Placing the bottle back on the counter, Hyungwon sprayed some sort of fluid on the keys (Windex? It wasn’t like Minhyuk cleaned anything in his life).

Minhyuk had already made plans to violently disassociate for the rest of this encounter – but then Hyungwon had to decide to have a conversation. “In future, you may want to avoid spilling _anything_ on your laptop keys,” Hyungwon said. “Luckily, as the old saying goes, blood is thicker than bread and water, but lube is thicker than all three.”

Minhyuk stared, uncomprehending.

“It didn’t penetrate into the actual keys, just the outer casing.”

Minhyuk shuddered at the use of penetrate, and then berated himself for being _that_ desperate for human touch.

“I think I’ve seen you around before. You go to my university, don’t you?” Hyungwon said, and Minhyuk, dumb and honest Minhyuk, nodded.

Next time, Minhyuk thought, he should just tell him his home address and social security number. Maybe throw in his blood type and bank pin.

Hyungwon took out a microfiber cloth, one of the fancy ones Minhyuk saw on infomercials when he was pulling all-nighters, and wiped off the keyboard. “Right, that’s gonna be like, ten bucks-”

“Uh, there’s something else!” Minhyuk squeaked.

“Oh, what?”

Hyungwon was looking at him, and Minhyuk _really_ didn’t like the way Hyungwon looked at him, with a smirk on his lips and a glint in his dumb dreamy eyes.

“There’s an issue with the internet. It’s not… fast enough. And my connection isn’t the problem, it’s only on my laptop.”

Hyungwon nodded. “How long has this been happening?”

“Realistically, around a month but I only really noticed today.”

With a flick of his hand, Hyungwon switched the laptop on and immediately frowned when he saw the user profile picture was of Ben 10. “What’s your password?”

Minhyuk attempted to step behind the counter and type it in himself, but Hyungwon firmly placed his hand on the counter.

“You can just tell me,” Hyungwon said. “The hint is ‘tell the truth’?”

“It’s _ilikebigbutts_ ,” Minhyuk said, all in one breath. “No spaces, all lowercase.”

And Minhyuk braced himself for any number of derisive comments but all Hyungwon did was type the phrase in, and say: “That’s not a very secure password.”

“My friend made it for me. It’s a joke. I think all butts are great.”

Hyungwon let his gaze meet Minhyuk's for a moment, and it looked like _amusement_ flashed across his face, but it was gone as fast as it came, along with Minhyuk's will to live.

“Your computer seems really sluggish. Do you have a lot of games open?”

“Nope, I play on my console. I pretty much only use my laptop for university work,” Minhyuk explained. “Can’t fail introductory calculus for the third time in a row!”

He tried studying, he really did, he sat the whole night through attempting to memorize the textbook, but at the exam the next morning could only remember the phrase “this textbook is dedicated to my children, Sam and Alice, who I could not have done this without” at the end of the acknowledgements.

“Oh, I took that course. I passed.”

His cockiness was mildly unbearable but also mildly hot. Minhyuk didn’t think too much of it, though. In his current state, a passing breeze would be enough to pop a stiff one.

“What browser do you use?” Hyungwon asked.

“Google Chrome,” Minhyuk said. And that’s when Minhyuk realized he _really_ should have closed his tabs before he walked in.

“Wait, Hyungwon, before you open Chrome-!” Minhyuk said, his eyes wild with terror, attempting to reach over the counter, trying to spare the threads of dignity he had left.

But it was too late.

The familiar computerized girlish voice filled the room. “ _S-senpai…”_

Hyungwon stared uncomprehendingly at the screen in front of him, as the tentacle being finished the thrust it began some hours ago, with over exaggerated squelching noises.

“You’ve _got_ to be _fucking_ kidding me,” Hyungwon said, and glared at Minhyuk. He looked genuinely upset, but it was hard to take serious, considering all the moaning in the background.

“Toon porn? Really?”

“It’s called hentai,” Minhyuk said, gazing down shamefully.

Mercifully, Hyungwon stopped the video. His gaze was now fixed on the laptop. “Am I correct in assuming you _often_ frequent websites like this?”

The words caught on his lips. “Uh, I… I guess. A little.” Minhyuk faltered under the disapproval in Hyungwon's face. “Look, it’s been a really, _really_ dry year, it’s hard being a gay guy in a town this small, by the time you get to 25 you’ve either fucked every guy or you’re related to him.”

And all Hyungwon said was, “Not every guy.”

What. “What?”

“What?” Hyungwon echoed, something like a smirk on his ridiculously pouty lips. “I’m just saying. Not every guy.”

“Who exactly are you referring to?” Minhyuk said, not entirely sure if he didn’t just drink a litre of lube by accident, and was having a hallucination fuelled by prior arousal.

“Well, I can assure you I’m not related to you,” was all Hyungwon said before turning his attention to the laptop, tilting the screen to Minhyuk. “Do you actually visit multiple versions of these websites?”

Hyungwon had _cartoonnetworkdicks.net_ open, and the flash animated intro automatically played and Minhyuk flushed in embarrassment. “The sites get taken down really quickly! I always have to find a new one!”

“Yes, and do you know _why_ they get taken down so quickly?”

“The government can’t handle the raw sexual expression of consenting adults,” Minhyuk answered.

“No, because these sites have nothing but fucking _malware_ ,” Hyungwon snapped. “Have you not noticed that there’s thirty different pop-up ads every time you open up a tab?”

Minhyuk flushed. “I don’t really _notice_. I just thought they were like… chat invitations. And I thought you know, I’d keep the offer open, just in case I ever got really desperate.”

“Are you so desperate for sex that you’d solicit it from porn bots claiming to want green cards?” Hyungwon said, so bluntly that it about shatters Minhyuk inside.

When no reply came, Hyungwon scoffed. “There are _other_ options, god.” He clicked several buttons, and let out a groan, running a hand through his hair, and Minhyuk thought he had no right to look _so_ attractive doing that. “Your laptop is a mess, I’m not sure if anything I do isn’t being transmitted to the KGB as we speak.”

 “Can you… can you fix it?” Minhyuk said, biting his lip. He didn’t have the money for a new laptop, he literally _just_ spent a fortune on loot boxes in Overwatch.

“I mean, yeah, it’s my job,” Hyungwon said. “And lucky for you, we have a flat rate for virus removals.”

He points to a sign on the wall that proudly proclaims the service will cost fifty bucks. Minhyuk can handle fifty bucks.  He just didn’t need to eat for like, a week. That’s cool. He had half a bottle of flavoured lube he could drink if he was really dying.

Minhyuk meant to nod but his eyes became abruptly focused. There was something about the way Hyungwon leaned on the counter, his height causing his lean figure to be bent at a strange angle, one hand on the mouse, the other resting under his chin. It was… distracting, to say the least.

“Minhyuk, right?” Hyungwon said, jerking him out of his reverie. “That’s the name listed for all of your accounts. By the way, I feel like signing up for porn websites with the username starboyminhyukuwu is just asking for trouble.”

“Yes, I’m Minhyuk,” Minhyuk said, wishing that he was anyone _but_ Minhyuk _or_ starboyminhyukuwu.

Hyungwon picked up a flashdrive from the side table and plugged it in. “I’m going to run a quick scan and see how badly infected your laptop is. Do you have the afternoon free? This might take a while.”

“Oh yeah, I’m doing nothing!” Minhyuk said, far too cheerfully, and then realized perhaps he should have at least attempted to fabricate some plans for the afternoon.

A grin flashed across Hyungwon's face, and it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. “Minhyuk?”

“Yes?”

“You know, we get virus removals quite often. Do you know how many viruses the average person has?” Hyungwon didn’t wait for an answer. “Thirty.”

Minhyuk nodded. Thirty was definitely a number, and Minhyuk knew this because he recently set his Tinder age limits from thirty to forty-five. Just in case any generous sugar daddies were out there and interested in a dyed blond twink.

But Hyungwon wasn’t done. “Do you know how many viruses you have on your laptop?”

“…Thirty?”

“So close. Five hundred and thirty three,” Hyungwon said, showing Minhyuk the screen. It was an impressive red colour with a bright warning icon.

“I was kind of right with the thirty part,” Minhyuk reasoned and Hyungwon rolled his eyes, and turned the laptop back towards him, clicking away.

“You have more malware than I thought possible.”

“Oh, that’s that new designer label right?” Minhyuk said and from the _glare_ he received in response, he quickly closed his mouth and left Hyungwon to his work.

Hyungwon's intense concentration meant Minhyuk could leer openly at him. He was wearing a form-fitting sweater and jeans that were far too tight for a computer store whose clientele were mostly senior citizens who forgot how to charge their phones.

“Right, well, the antivirus is running, we’ll have to wait for that,” Hyungwon said, yawning. “This will take an estimated…” he paused to view the screen. “Three hours. Possibly longer, possibly shorter.”

“Oh,” Minhyuk said. “Should I just… leave it here, and come back tomorrow?”

Hyungwon straightened, and Minhyuk found himself getting second hand vertigo from the change in height. “I suppose you could. Or, you know, you could just wait.”

“I mean there’s not much to do in the mall. They closed down the arcade years ago,” Minhyuk said. At least if he went home he could cry while eating mozzarella sticks and thinking about how bad his life turned out.

There was a predatory hint in Hyungwon's gaze, and to be perfectly honest, Minhyuk was more than a little into it. But, of course, Minhyuk was reading into it wrong.

Guys like Hyungwon didn’t exist, for one, and if they did (which they didn’t), they weren’t interested in Minhyuk. And it was no question of Minhyuk's own self-esteem, because while he did have Dorito dust on his fingers and was wearing jeans stained with hours old precum, the fact remained that Minhyuk was at least a 7, could go up to a 8 on a good day.

But Hyungwon? He was a straight 10. Emphasis on ‘straight’.

“I’m gay, you know,” Hyungwon said, nonchalantly, leaning against the wall.

He was a gay 10. Emphasis on 10.

Minhyuk could not _dream_ of even attempting to woo that. He didn’t have enough money, he didn’t have enough cologne, and he definitely didn’t have enough lube.

“I’m not sure I understand,” Minhyuk said, staring up at Hyungwon uncomprehendingly.

And then Hyungwon leaned in, shifting the laptop to the side, and stared at Minhyuk. “I’m just saying. You aren’t the only guy around here dying for a good fuck from someone who isn’t an ex or a relative. I’m saying that I can turn your software into hardware.”

“Uh.”

“I can give some touch and finger commands.”

Minhyuk was quite sure he ascended to another dimension, until Hyungwon added, as an afterthought.

“What I’m saying is I’d like to do some penetration testing and ram your motherboard. And, for the record? There’s a private employee bathroom if you’re interested.”

*

Minhyuk applauded himself for the way he very rationally analyzed the situation presented before him. He stopped to consider all the outcomes and possibilities. It really wasn’t a good idea to engage in oral sex with a stranger at a computer store. This particular kind of situation was not discussed in his high school sexual education classes, but he figured it might be a niche experience.

But Minhyuk reasoned that he already had one good idea for the day (which was calling Hoseok to help him with his computer troubles) and anything else would just be excessive.

It was these circumstances that led Minhyuk to be on the receiving end of a bruising kiss from Hyungwon as his hands pressed into his waist, digging into the flesh, the air electric around them.

It was sloppy, _so_ sloppy, and Minhyuk cannot contain his delight when Hyungwon broke away to start biting at the skin below his ears. He _had_ to be leaving marks, and the thought went straight to Minhyuk's dick.

Hyungwon was _delicious_ , and once Minhyuk's hands found their way into his fluffy hair, they remained there, pulling at the honey gold streaks.

There was a soft gasp when Minhyuk pulled Hyungwon closer, refusing to allow any space between their bodies. He was far too hard after just some making out - but god, it really had been _too_ long and Hyungwon was so _beautiful_.

Though, Minhyuk did have to admit, among bathrooms, the employee bathroom of _Oh Mother! Board_ was one of the better ones, all small and cute with purple curtains and it didn’t stink. There even were those little cute soaps in the sink – not that Minhyuk really had the opportunity to assess his surroundings.

It was just that when he first stepped in, Hyungwon pushed him against the sink and started kissing him so fiercely that the only thing Minhyuk could really hold on was the wall to stop himself from sinking to the floor.

Minhyuk was reasonably sure his entire neck would be purple by the time Hyungwon was done sucking it, and he decided he was quite okay with that – but Minhyuk also didn’t come here for a make out session. And at this point, he had more blood in his dick than his head.

He withdrew a hand from the silky hair and circled Hyungwon's waist, resting on his crotch and the abrupt gasp was enough to cease his relentless kissing. Minhyuk palmed him through the jeans, keeping their gazes fixed, and Hyungwon's eyes nearly rolled back.

“As much as I’m enjoying the preshow, I’d really like to get things started,” Minhyuk said, his voice positively hoarse, his fingers fiddling with the zipper on Hyungwon's jeans. “If you’re okay with that.”

“I don’t think I’d love anything more than your hands on my dick,” Hyungwon breathed and Minhyuk just smirked.

“Oh, I can think of one thing.” And Minhyuk dropped to his knees, and the look in Hyungwon's eyes was one of complete want.

Minhyuk attempted to not openly drool at the thought of Hyungwon's cock, but it was quite difficult, and it proved even harder as Minhyuk pulled down his jeans and it was only a single strip of fabric that separated him from the thing he wanted most in the universe. Hyungwon's eyes were heavy-lidded and he was staring down at Minhyuk, almost adoringly.

But also, impatiently. Minhyuk trailed the outline of Hyungwon's half-hard erection with his fingers, moving his mouth closer, but only exhaled on the underwear that separated any physical contact.

“Are you… Do you need anything?” Hyungwon asked. “Just… are you waiting for something?”

“Oh, sorry, am I taking too long? Am I interrupting something? Should I go?” Minhyuk said with a smirk, abruptly standing up, and almost unable to contain his laughter when Hyungwon all but pushes him down.

“No! Please! Don’t!” Hyungwon said, all in one breath. His desperation was evident from the way he spat out the words. “I’m just… God, you look so hot right now. And I just… really, really want you to suck my dick right now.”

“Consider it a reward for good customer service,” Minhyuk said, wetting his lips, before pulling down his underwear, and after one cursory stroke, mouthed Hyungwon's cock in one swift motion. The resounding moan from Hyungwon was so unabashedly _loud_ it probably echoed in the entire store.

Hyungwon had his hands pressed against the bathroom wall, nails certain to be digging into the wallpaper.

Minhyuk could not help but savour the salty taste, and a part of him thought his mouth was made for Hyungwon's cock, it just _fits_. Slowly, letting each movement linger, he bobbed up and down, and Hyungwon wailed at the sensations.

An idea sparking, Minhyuk reached into his jeans pocket – and when did Hyungwon loosen his belt buckle? Minhyuk hadn’t even noticed that – and he pulled out the lube bottle he had been carrying all day. A part of him wished he could tell the Minhyuk from this morning that this day wasn’t going to be a total write-off.

He pulled off Hyungwon's dick and Hyungwon actually looked as if he might cry. “Don’t tease me, I can’t handle that right now,” Hyungwon moaned, pounding his fists against the wall.

Minhyuk laughed, ignoring his plea, and coated his dick in the lube – it was flavoured after all. Before Minhyuk reunited with his true love, because he truly was about to dedicate his life to worshipping Hyungwon's perfect cock, he added: “Don’t hold back by the way. You can fuck my mouth.”

Hyungwon looked as if he could barely stand up straight, let alone put the effort into the active act of fucking anything, but he nodded, mutely.

The artificial taste of blueberry danced on Minhyuk's tongue and he slid down Hyungwon's length with such ease. Hyungwon's thrusts were gentle, cautious and it was nice, really, but Minhyuk wasn’t a fan of being nice when all he wanted to do was choke to death on a dick so perfect he’d write poetry about it.

Minhyuk grabbed Hyungwon's hips, forcing him closer, and Hyungwon's balance almost faltered.

“God, okay, okay, I just don’t want you to choke.”

And Minhyuk let Hyungwon's dick slip out of his lips, just enough to whisper: “I do.”

Minhyuk looked up just in time to see Hyungwon's face flash like he’s just had a divine revelation, and _then_ , _finally_ , he starts thrusting and Minhyuk feels tears spring in the corners of his eyes as Hyungwon is relentless in the way he is debauching his mouth.

Trusting that Hyungwon finally understands what he wanted, Minhyuk's hands flew to his own neglected cock, and he started stroking, and you know what, this was a thousand times better than the alternate universe Kakashi yaoi he was watching a week ago this time. 

“Do you just not have a gag reflex?” Hyungwon muttered, his head hitting the back of the wall, his breath coming out in short bursts.

Minhyuk would answer, but he preferred to graze Hyungwon's length with his front teeth, and he should be _paid_ for the way he took Hyungwon right now. His throat was beginning to ache, but god he cannot deny the pure pleasure he felt in that moment

“Minhyuk, I’m-” Hyungwon stammered, attempting to use words and giving up, pulling on Minhyuk's hair, and it’s such an unexpected and _pleasurable_ sensation, that Minhyuk's eyes fluttered shut, and the next sensation he felt was warm spurts of cum slithering down his throat.

Minhyuk continued stroking himself, and lost in his own sensations, he came into his own hand, and pulling his mouth off from Hyungwon, he sat back on the floor, his knees aching.

Hyungwon didn’t move an inch, splayed out on the wall, his cock still exposed, his top buttons open, his mouth swollen.

Recovering faster than the man pinned to the wall, Minhyuk stood up on jerky legs and moved to the sink, attempting to clean the mess he made of his jeans. He faced Hyungwon, and exhaled, his mouth already aching, and it just brought a smile to Minhyuk.

“You didn’t let me,” Hyungwon finally said.

Minhyuk stared back. “I didn’t think you’d be in the position to.”

Hyungwon, still transfixed, just nodded. “That’s… yeah, that’s fair.”

The bathroom was thick with scent of sex and blueberries, and Minhyuk mentally laughed at the idea of Hyungwon attempting to explain the situation to his manager. Minhyuk walked towards Hyungwon, helping him pull his pants, deliberately grazing against his cock, and could not resist smirking at the way Hyungwon gasped.

By the time Minhyuk closed his top buttons, Hyungwon stared down at Minhyuk, and surged forward, kissing him.

“That was… needed,” Hyungwon settled on.

Minhyuk picked up the bottle of lube abandoned on the floor. “Should probably get a refill.”

Taking the bottle delicately, Hyungwon rolled it over in his hand (his long, slender hands, and Minhyuk just got off but he can’t help but wonder how those fingers would feel down his throat or inside him). “Allow me to?”

“Only if you plan on using it,” Minhyuk said.

“Oh, I was.”

*

“Hey, just curious,” Changkyun said, half-buried in the sofa. “Is it true you were beating your meat to tentacle porn and then spilt raspberry lube and broke your laptop?”

“Is that what Hoseok’s been saying?” Minhyuk said, dropping his keys in the bowl, focused on taking off his coat so he wouldn’t have to face Changkyun’s questioning gaze. He wasn’t too surprised that Hoseok shared the incident he experienced – it was, understandably, traumatic for a normie such as himself. The real achievement was that he waited three days before mentioning it at all.

“Yup, except his choice of words was ‘waxing your carrot’.”

“Ugh,” Minhyuk winced. He turned around and Changkyun sat up, grinning.

“It’s true, isn’t it?”

“It was blueberry flavoured,” is what Minhyuk replied with.

“Minhyuk, you should probably, like, get your life together at some point,” Changkyun said, after a pause.

“You’re not wrong,” Minhyuk nodded. He picked up the empty cereal box on the floor and tossed it in the trash. Changkyun observed in amazement as Minhyuk took out a broom and actually started _sweeping_.

“Are you, like, dying?” he asked.

Minhyuk did not stop sweeping. He had no basis to support the idea that Hyungwon liked things neat, but he got the general aura that if he saw that Minhyuk was eating cereal out of a cardboard box he may just walk out the door and never come back. “I’ve got the computer guy coming over later to give my laptop back. It was supposed to take three hours but apparently the anti-virus software got corrupted in the time, so there was a host of other problems.”

“I would pay to see that poor sop’s expression upon seeing whatever freaky shit you were watching.” Changkyun stood up, and unhelpfully shoved tissues under the couch. “Are you still into looking into your Naruto poster’s eyes late at night?”

It wasn’t like he could lie to Changkyun. “He’s my favourite twink,” was all Minhyuk could say.

“Aww, don’t say that, you’re my favourite twink,” Changkyun replied, and then ducked to avoid being hit by a Pringles tin. “I’ve never seen you clean before, what is he, hot?”

“One could say so,” Minhyuk said, thinking that calling Hyungwon simply hot was like calling One Punch Man just a show. An understatement, when both were an experience, and both were incredibly sexually desirable. “You’re gonna need to leave. I suggest taking a walk. A _long_ one.”

“Whyyyyyyy?” Changkyun moaned. “I wanted to watch the latest episode of Black Mirror? And it’s not like I’d disturb whatever tech stuff you do anyway.”

“Nope,” Minhyuk said, decisively. “I don’t trust you, Changkyun. What if you reveal every embarrassing thing I’ve done since I met you?”

“That’s just implausible, I’d need at _least_ a week for that.”

It was a reasonable concern. While Changkyun found Minhyuk's antics (mostly) amusing, there had been many Tinder dates ruined when Minhyuk invited them home to be lured into a conversation with his roommate, who’d recall in great detail how Minhyuk cried every time he watched the Pokémon movie.

“Changkyun, I’m not kidding. You need to leave. Go watch it at Jooheon’s house or something.”

“You make my life so difficult,” Changkyun sighed, letting a hand rest on his forehead, swooning.

“Yes, and you do the same for me, it’s why our relationship is this strong even years after you crawled out of the sewers and into my heart,” Minhyuk replied.

Changkyun must have been feeling merciful because no further prompts from Minhyuk already had him grabbing his keys and jacket. “Have fun, I guess. Don’t do anything weird. Remember, you do pay him, so like… if you do something weird, and he spits in your eye, you kind of paid money for that.”

Minhyuk would at some point tell Changkyun about the events that transpired at the computer store – but part of him also wanted to _never_ mention it again. For one, Minhyuk might have still believed it was some kind of hallucination, if it wasn’t for the sore throat he had the next morning that no amount of honey could soothe.

Hyungwon, still walking dizzy from an orgasm that apparently shook his entire equilibrium, had suggested he bring the laptop over to Minhyuk when he had cleaned it up and said he’d text him when the job was done.

It was three days before Minhyuk got the text, and at that point, he was just relieved he was getting his computer back, because he missed his music library. The only song he’d listen to since then was a rap beat he made from the microwave beeping.

“Have fun,” Changkyun called as he opened the door.

“Same to you,” Minhyuk said faintly, waving as Changkyun left, his mind preoccupied with concerns of how he should greet Hyungwon. A kiss would be too much, obviously, but wouldn’t a wave be too casual? They did, like, have dick contact.

*

He didn’t wave when Hyungwon arrived, and settled for a firm, business-like handshake which was somehow thirty thousand times more awkward.

He looked good, though. A blue sweater with a white shirt underneath, he looked every bit like those fancy prep school boys. Hyungwon raised an eyebrow as he surveyed Minhyuk's lounge. Regrettably, he wasn’t wearing glasses, and his face looked even younger.

“I like your TV. It’s big,” he remarked.

“We’re gamers,” Minhyuk said, in a tone that was far too full of pride.

“We’re?”

“My roommate and I.”

Hyungwon’s confident posture was lessened as his shoulders slumped, and he frowned. For a moment, it looked like he was was… disappointed?

“He’s not here,” Minhyuk confirmed and pretended not to notice how Hyungwon visibly brightened.

Hyungwon adjusted the laptop under his arm. “Shall I set it up and I’ll show you what measures I’ve put in place to prevent another incident like that?”

Minhyuk nodded, leading Hyungwon in his room. He cleaned up his desk and the floor but hadn’t _quite_ gotten around to change the Naruto themed sheets. It would be fine, he was sure.

“Is that… Dragon Ball Z?” Hyungwon said, pulling on his collar.

“Naruto,” Minhyuk corrected, resisting the urge to strangle him. “You can put the laptop here.”

Hyungwon flipped it open, typing the password with ease. “Right, so I’ve installed some anti-virus programs and adblock to help out, but you really need to stop going to such sketchy websites. Could you not just… get your porn elsewhere? From a more reputable place? You know, like normal porn.”

“I mean, I suppose I can,” Minhyuk said, internally sighing at the idea, and Hyungwon looked at him and laughed.

“Stop looking so miserable, god,” Hyungwon said, opening Chrome and showing him a folder in bookmarks. “I took the liberty of texting a rather weeaboo friend of mine and just asked him for some reputable sites that _he_ frequents. I wouldn’t give my credit card information to them, and they might use your connection to mine cryptocurrency, but at least it won’t _actively_ attempt to steal your identity like animexboobies.gov.” 

Minhyuk stared at the screen. “Did you… really make a folder for me?”

“You seemed quite a fan of your adult toon material, and I wouldn’t want to deprive you of it.”

Minhyuk nodded, unable to form words. “I…” This wasn’t real. People didn’t do this. Especially people like the hot guy from the computer store.

Hyungwon shrugged, crossing his arms. “That’ll be fifty bucks.”

Grabbing his wallet from one of the desk drawers, Minhyuk couldn’t stop himself flinching as he dropped the note in Hyungwon's hand.

He nodded. “Well, that’s sorted then.”

They sat in silence and Minhyuk was not entirely sure what he was supposed to do. “Thanks for your help. Guess this transaction is over.”

As far as pick-up lines go, ‘this transaction is over’ was one of his worst, just slightly above ‘hey baby, wanna go back to my place and see my Naruto sheets’.

Hyungwon reached into his pocket and pulled out a familiar purple bottle and set it on the desk. “Oh, and I believe I promised you I’d buy you a refill.”

“Ah,” Minhyuk said, rolling the lube in his hand. “Thank you.” It all seemed too indirectly sexual to be holding something phallic in his bedroom, while talking about porn.

“So, guess I’ll go then,” Hyungwon finally said, standing up.

“Okay.” A part of him was screaming to say _anything_ but what could he even _say_ , that wasn’t a direct invitation to have sex which would just be presumptuous. For all Minhyuk knew, that bathroom incident was just a weird glitch in Hyungwon's brain matrix.

“I’ll see you around,” Hyungwon said.

“Thanks for the laptop again. I’ll, uh, test it out tonight,” Minhyuk forced a fake laughter and then instantly regretted it. Did he truly imply that he was going to jack off? He resisted the urge to slam his head against the desk.

Hyungwon ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Listen, Minhyuk, you can continue watching your nightly tentacle porn and get offers from robotic Sexy Singles in your Area to fuck them. Or, you know, I could fuck you. Right now, right here.”

Minhyuk considered it an impressive feat of self-control that he was still standing, considering all blood in his body moved to his dick at a speed faster than sound.

“Uh. Yes. Yes, I’d really like that. Like a lot,” Minhyuk nodded.

“Good, because I don’t fucking do call-outs, I mean I work at a computer store. And I didn’t stop on the way to buy condoms for nothing.” Hyungwon walked forward and draped himself on Minhyuk's lap, and stared into his eyes, tracing his jaw with those damned fingers.

“For a moment, I thought you didn’t want me,” Hyungwon said, in a gentle purr and Minhyuk could not physically move his lips to meet Hyungwon's faster. He made a pleased noise, and Minhyuk deepened the kiss, letting his tongue run against the bridge of his mouth, and soon it was just lips, and tongues, and teeth, and a sloppy mess of saliva running down.

Hyungwon was that annoying kind of person, the kind that was hot and also _knew_ he was hot, and seemed to delight in that. Minhyuk buried one hand into Hyungwon's hair and the other sliding up Hyungwon's sweater, enjoying the feel of his smooth, warm skin.

Minhyuk moved his hand and encircled Hyungwon's nipple and the noise he made was so loud that Minhyuk was infinitely grateful Changkyun was not here. “Take this dumb sweater off.”

“It’s not dumb, it’s Givenchy, you fool,” Hyungwon muttered but lifted his arms up and Minhyuk pulled it off him.

“I like that you think I care,” Minhyuk said, digging his nails into Hyungwon's skin.  “As much as I enjoy the idea of defiling this chair, could we move to the bed?”

“Yes, yes, _please_.”

Hyungwon stumbled off Minhyuk's lap, and Minhyuk instantly missed the weight on his groin. It was worth it for the sight of Hyungwon undressing himself, however. It was almost adorable the way he carefully unbuttoned his shirt, one by one. Minhyuk took the opportunity to divest himself of his own clothes, and when Hyungwon was _still_ busy with his dumb buttons, Minhyuk shoved the shirt off himself.

“You better not have broken that shirt, it’s-”

“Givenchy, yeah I know, I heard,” Minhyuk said, licking a line up Hyungwon's neck.

“The shirt is Balenciaga,” Hyungwon muttered, but his heart wasn’t really in it, and he craned his neck up to give Minhyuk more room.

“Grab the lube behind you,” Minhyuk whispered into his neck.

“Can’t you do it yourself?”

“My hands are… occupied,” Minhyuk said, palming Hyungwon through his underwear, and Hyungwon had no further complaints.

Shoving Hyungwon onto the bed, Minhyuk couldn’t contain his delight at the way Hyungwon's thighs instantly locked around him, pulling him closer. There was something inherently appealing about having a very beautiful boy, desperate and panting against a Naruto duvet. It felt like a real ‘fuck you’ towards his high school peers who laughed at his Kakashi backpack.

Hyungwon cupped Minhyuk's jaw and looked up at him, almost adoringly. And while it was cute, Minhyuk wasn’t about to catch feelings for his computer guy.    

Minhyuk grabbed the finger encircling his jaw, and in one moment sucked it into his mouth, letting it penetrate till the back of his throat, till he gagged, and still didn’t pull it away. He savoured the way Hyungwon's eyes darkened, and the slight pause in his breathing.

“I don’t understand how you were ever single, but maybe that’s for the best,” Hyungwon murmured, entirely transfixed at the way Minhyuk was swirling his tongue around his finger. “If I knew you existed, I’d just never go to class, I’d just stay in bed and fuck you until neither of us can walk.”

Minhyuk dribbled out Hyungwon's finger and pouted. “Are you just going to talk a big game or are you actually going to fuck me? All you’ve done so far is just whine and gasp.” And then, just to bring his point across, Minhyuk grabbed Hyungwon's crotch and he moaned right in Minhyuk's ear.

“You’re _killing_ me,” Hyungwon growled, pulsing upwards and catching Minhyuk's mouth in a kiss. Minhyuk internally smirked, not able to do the actual act, as he currently had a very desperate tongue in his mouth. 

“Come on,” Minhyuk moaned, breaking the kiss, and pulling down Hyungwon's underwear. “What are you waiting for?”

“God, give me a _moment_.”

The scent of blueberries filled the air and Minhyuk dragged his teeth down Hyungwon's throat, nipping at the flesh, until he felt cold, wet fingers at his entrance and when he pushed the first finger in, Minhyuk fell back against the pillow, because, god he was _right_ , those slender fingers felt _amazing_ inside him.

“Is that okay?” Hyungwon muttered, attempting to keep his voice level, but the wild look in his eyes betrayed any hope of appearing unaffected.

“Yeah, it’s fucking okay, go deeper,” Minhyuk said, needing more of that delightful burn. Because this was good, this was a thousand times better than any do-it-yourself handjob, this was Hyungwon inside Minhyuk and it was everything.

“You’re so _demanding_.”

“And you’re so _slow_.”

In retaliation, Hyungwon pushed in a second finger and Minhyuk couldn’t control the whimper he released as Hyungwon pressed an apologetic kiss to his thigh. It was so painfully _slow_ , and Minhyuk _needed_ this release.

A third finger entered and all Minhyuk could think was if this was how good fingers felt, he was not prepared for the grand finale. Hyungwon looked almost divine the way he towered over Minhyuk, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration but his cheeks flushed and his lips swollen.

Hyungwon removed his fingers and Minhyuk whined at the loss of that glorious heat. “Why?”

“Give me _literally_ a minute,” Hyungwon snapped, pulling the condom over his dick. “A little patience is all I ask.”

“I could do this faster myself.”

“You are so _bratty_.”

“So? Plan on doing something about that?” Minhyuk said, crossing his arms. “Here’s an idea, maybe you could, oh, fuck me? You know, like I wanted? This entire time?”

Hyungwon surged forward into Minhyuk with more force than he probably intended and a mix between a laugh and a moan escaped him. It took several restrained breaths for Minhyuk to adjust and he rolled his head back, and in a demanding tone: “ _Come on_ ,” because, oh, that felt really good.

Hyungwon was not fast in his thrusts but he was _harsh_ , and the bubble inside of Minhyuk threatened to burst at each interval, each movement filling him deeper than he thought possible, spurred on by Hyungwon's soft noises.

“Is this more like it?” Hyungwon said, leaning down to lick a stripe up Minhyuk's chest and all Minhyuk could do was nod. “You complain _so_ much.”

“Try harder to shut me up then.”

And he did, with one particularly brutal thrust, and Minhyuk felt like he could see stars. His nails dug into Hyungwon's back, and he probably left crescent shaped marks, but at this point, he’s too far gone to care, the only thing Minhyuk cared about was chasing this pleasure.

Hyungwon used a hand to stroke Minhyuk's dick, and everything was hazy but good, so good, and he unravelled before he could realize it, white streaks coating Hyungwon's hand. The air was hot, he could hear the blood in his head, and all he could feel was the atmosphere around him.

It was a moment longer, one thrust more, and then Minhyuk felt Hyungwon empty himself, and he could almost swear that as he came he murmured Minhyuk's name. That would be ridiculous, of course, because this wasn’t anything more than stress relief - but Minhyuk assumed it was just temporary deafness in the haze of post-orgasm.

Hyungwon collapsed on top of Minhyuk, and he was quite fine with that, and he wouldn’t have been able to move him off anyway, his limbs felt useless.

“God, you’re…” Hyungwon attempted, before trailing off.

“I’ve heard that before,” Minhyuk said.

Hyungwon inhaled deeply, and pulled out, tossing the condom off, and just fell down next to Minhyuk, burying himself in the sheets.

Minhyuk turned to his side, and his heart felt like it leapt to his throat. Hyungwon looked more beautiful than ever, sweat dripping from his face, his eyes widened, marks all over his neck. No one should look that good. It was criminal.

And from the way Hyungwon was staring back at him, Minhyuk wondered how he must have looked as well. It must have been pretty, from the smile on his face.

“I liked that,” Hyungwon finally said.

“So did I,” Minhyuk said, deciding not to mention it was the best orgasm he had in about three years. No point letting praise go to his head. “We should… do this again sometime.”

“We should,” Hyungwon instantly agreed, and then paused, seemingly embarrassed at his own eagerness. “You could come over tomorrow, if you like? I saw the movie theatre is showing the new Transformers and that sounds like some nerdy shit you’d be into.”

It wasn’t. “That sounds great,” Minhyuk said, because he wasn’t about to turn down a possibility of free popcorn and movie theatre makeouts. 

And then a thought comes to Minhyuk's mind and he can’t stop himself. “Thanks for the help with my D drive.”

“God, you're the worst,” Hyungwon said, pulling Minhyuk into a kiss.   

**Author's Note:**

> I am a moderately active member of this fandom but I just didn't want to put this straight on my main account because like. lmao it's wild.  
> but I will probably at some point reveal this fic on it tbh 
> 
> but please do leave me your feedback, i'd love to hear what you think tbh <3
> 
> EDIT: hello everyone, thank you so much for all the wonderful comments on this fic. i've now revealed myself as the author, shout-out to everyone who knew who I was lmao. glad you enjoyed!! <33


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